Praising God in the Storm

I have been reading the blog of a young mother (MckMama) for the last 3 months or so. I can't remember how I started reading this blog, but it is addictive. Jennifer Mckinney has 4 children, the youngest of whom has a heart condition called SVT that was diagnosed in the womb. She was told that her son would not be born alive, but hers and her husband's decision at the time was to glorify God no matter what. He was born healthy and without cardiac symptoms, and they named their child Stellan which means "calm". Unfortunately, at 4 months old, he began to have chronic SVT, and has been in and out of the hospital since (he is 8 months old now).

The entry that she posted the other day as her son had been hospitalized speaks depths of our relationship with our Heavenly Father, and I wanted to share some of it with those who read our blog. She is a wonderful writer and very strong in her faith, and I appreciate the life lessons that she shares through the struggles with an infant diagnosed with a life threatening illness.

What I'm about to say may or may not ring true to you. Just as everyone's DNA is different, so is everyone's walk with God. Maybe you know Him personally, and maybe you don't. Maybe what I say strikes a chord, perhaps not. In fact, 1 Corinthians 1:18 says that "the message of the cross is foolishness to those" who don't know Him. But for Christians, "it is the power of God." And even Christians view things differently.

I definitely don't fancy myself a preacher by any means. I simply love to talk about what I love. And I love my husband, our children, my camera, bright colors, healthy food, mothering, and most of all, God. And, have you noticed, I seem to talk more passionately about Him, more often, when our family is in crisis mode? Part of that is too bad, I think. I wish I was so on fire about God all the time. But on the other hand, I really think that's how it is. At least for me; I don't know about you. The times in my life when I've been in the lowest valleys are also the times in which I have experienced the heights of spiritual growth.

Think about it. I know I have been; The times when it feels like the bottom is dropping out of my life, such as now with our son Stellan back in the PICU at Children's Hospital, are the times when I try to cling to Jesus the most. When I feel helpless, what other choice do I have than to cry out "Lord, help me! Lord, help me! Lord, help me!" And as I frantically grasp for Jesus' hand with my own, clawing to get a grip as I'm gasping for breath in the darkness of the valley I find myself plummeting into, God meets me. As I grope about in my darkest hours, God lights a lamp of hope. And only then is there light enough for me to see that, although I am searching with my hands to find God's so that I won't fall any further, He already has me.

His powerful, righteous hand is always holding me, and not just by the hand, either. He has such a tight grip on me that there is no way I'll fall where He can't reach me. In the past year most notably, God has proven that He meets me in my valley experiences.

So, even now here in the PICU, as I am "hard pressed on every side," I am "not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9. And never am I so aware of God 's presence in my life, and in my desperate, continual need for Him, as I am when the going gets tough. And let me tell you, the going has gotten tough.

As humans, we often tend to think, "Okay, it's okay God, I got this," when life is easy. But when we truly need help because we feel we are at a dead end, we often cry out, perhaps to Him. Ought I to constantly be aware that God is holding me each and every day, and strive to be in His Word and to draw near to Him all the time, even when the biggest stress of the day is running out of hummus? Absolutely! It's just as one of my favorites hymns sings, "I need Thee every hour." When life is peachy keen, I still have a need to keep Jesus at the forefront of my life.

It's just that, for me, that takes more work. A concerted effort. That, too often, I don't put in. But when I'm up against a brick wall like I am tonight, worried sick about Stellan, his racing heart, and what will become of this hospitalization, I "do not lose heart. Though outwardly [I am] wasting away, inwardly [I am] being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16. I feel I have no other options any longer. I am keenly aware of my desperate need for God tonight. In a way I can almost say I'm thankful to be in this place of desperation. Out of this ripping open of the soil of my being, a seed will be planted.

God is faithful like that. The molding God wants to do in our lives in our valley experiences may not be fun or painless. Indeed, it will be neither. But the spiritual growth and accompanying peace that follow are enough treasure to make the trials worth it.

As we watch Stellan walk this road, and our family walks it along with him, I am trying to remember that "our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:17. A closer, more personal, deeper walk with the Lord is an amazing relationship that, at times, seems to grown and thrive best in seasons of deep pain and hurt.

I choose to praise God in this storm. In fact, I will praise Him for this storm.